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  How I Married My DJ Boyfriend
by Darbi Abramson

So, you want to marry your DJ boyfriend? If your relationship with your DJ man has been anything like my relationship has been, then you've probably been dating for several years and are ready to take it to another level. Chances are your DJ boyfriend is free-spirited, likes to party, goes out almost every weekend, and is a little freaked out by the "m" word. I met my DJ man when I was 19, dated him for 4.5 years, became engaged, and then married him 1.5 years later. Turtles move slow, but it is my opinion that the DJ breed perhaps moves a little slower.

Here are some helpful tips that helped my relationship survive with a member of the DJ persuasion. Maybe they will help you with your relationship, maybe it won't. But at least it will reiterate what that Olive song says... "You're not alone."

Quality time with you vs. quality time with his records, schmoozing, and going out to listen to other DJs.

Ok, ok. We all know he's got to practice sometime. Of course schmoozing with people is involved, and he has to go out to listen to other DJs spin, duh! And of course he's got to go to the record store or spend a gazillion hours online listening to records to purchase. All this time he spends perfecting his hobby means less time for you. It's frustrating at times, and dealing with the fact that a lot of times he'd rather spend his time with black pieces of spinning vinyl rather than spend some quality time with you can be a little unsettling. But it is something you have to accept. It can be the hardest hurdle to overcome. Otherwise you both might start resenting each other—you resenting his DJing, him resenting you for interfering with his DJing. To say it is his passion is an understatement: it is his LIFE. He doesn't care about you any less just because he spends a lot of time doing what makes him happy. Not to say that you should put all your feelings aside just so he can be happy. Both of you have to be happy to make a relationship work. Both of you will have to compromise at some point. He can't do all those things he needs to do if you are always around though. Set aside times when you will both be doing other things and times when you will spend just the two of you.

Do your own thang.

Maybe you have your own passion, maybe you haven't found it yet. If you found it already, that's fantastic! If you haven't, keep looking! It can be difficult if you don't have something of your own, because then you have a lot more free time, which is something that he probably does not have. Maybe you DJ yourself, maybe you paint, maybe you enjoy hiking, swimming, whatever. Maybe you're like me and love to dance! Whatever the case, find time for you and your interests. Making yourself happy is one of the best things that you can do to improve your relationship with your boyfriend, your friends, and most importantly, yourself. One of the things that probably attracted you to your boyfriend is how passionate he is about his music. It makes sense that he would be equally attracted to you when you put your heart and soul into your passion, whatever it is!

"I don't want to work the 9-5 grind..."

Your boyfriend wants to make a career out of his DJing. He wants to live the international DJ life, gallivanting around the world. What he doesn't want to do is get a "real" job. He sees it as giving up the dream. If he's making money at DJing already then that's great. If not, then there can be some real problems.

DJing takes many years to become successful. The bills still have to be paid regardless, and you want to start eating something besides Ramen Noodles for the rest of your life. You have to help convince him that this job is something he is doing for now, not forever. Without money he can't buy more records, he can't burn CDs of his mixes to give out to people, he can't go out to hear other DJs or do his schmoozing. To me, a job with a healthcare plan is preferable—you never know what could go wrong.

Delegating Duties

Cleaning the house stinks. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. Both me and my husband work, we both have hobbies which are extremely time consuming, and we have 2 cats and a puppy. Who has time to clean?

Let's face it—girls are usually cleaner. There might be a few exceptions. But if I am pulling my share of the bills, I refuse to revert to the mentality that women cook, clean, and wash everything. I used to get upset when I would do the dishes 75% of the time, and then he'd leave the dishes there for days and do them only after nagging. But now I do the dishes 100% of the time, and he does other stuff 100% of the time. For us it has worked out much better that way by agreeing on who does what tasks. Your time is no less important that his is, so you both should have an equal share of those mundane tasks which keep your life together.

DJ Groupies

Luckily, I haven't really had many close encounters of the DJ-groupie kind. Most times those situations are funny at best. They can get ugly. I don't have too much advice on this because I think it depends on whether you're the jealous type or not. Each person deals with other people hitting on their mate differently. But it can happen. I guess it goes with the territory of being a superstar DJ's girl!

Be Supportive

This one should be a given. Of course you need to go to as many of his gigs as possible. You'd want him to do the same for you, right? Sometimes it's going to really suck- you might be there for a while before he gets paid, or he might have that 430am-6am slot. I don't know how many times I've started falling asleep at different places my guy has spun at. All I can say is keep the Red Bulls coming and keep truckin'. Remember that he has a job to do. Arguing before or during his set isn't going to help him get into the groove, and interrupting him a bunch during his set can distract him. Learn to behave yourself- your actions can reflect poorly on him, which can hurt him if he is trying to make it as a professional.

Let him do his own PR and business interactions

You love him and want him to be successful, so what's the hurt of helping him promote himself? Have you ever heard the expression that if you are selling something then you are selling yourself? I say let him do all his public relations himself. He knows what he wants and is learning how to get it. He can sell himself much better than you can, and he'll get a lot more accomplished telling whoever first hand rather than having you acting as a lame go between. (There are noted exceptions to this rule, a la Christopher Lawrence and his manager wife. That's her job though!)

Successful men often have smart women behind them. Be one of those smart women! It's tough being a DJ's girl, isn't it? Good luck!

Darbi and Brett were married in Fort Myers, FL on 09.20.2003

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Into Deep - LSG
Into Deep from Amazon.com Track Listing:

  1. Concatenation
  2. No Causalidad
  3. Give Me Your Hand
  4. El Tiburon
  5. Tiburon Citrino
  6. Quick Star
  7. I'm Not Existing
  8. Bengal Rose
  9. Jillanity
  10. Phorous
  11. Into Deep
  12. Westside
  13. I'm Not Existing (O Lieb Main Mix 2)
  14. Into Deep (O Lieb Club Mix 1)
  15. Jillanity (O Lieb Club Mix 2)
  16. Quick Star (Laidback Luke's Housetechmania Remix)
  17. Into Deep (Medway Remix)
  18. I'm Not Existing (Thomas Krome Remix)
  19. Into Deep (UK Mix)
  20. Train Of Thought (Version 0.9 & 1.1)

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